The Time In Between

As many of you know, for me, the past year and a half has been a season of waiting on the Lord. While that may not seem like a long time, I have to tell you that sometimes I want to throw up my white flag in defeat, and I lose hope that there will be an end to the waiting. On those days I know it is absolutely vital that I get in the word, get down on my knees and allow God to fill my empty cup. The past few weeks have been a bit of a struggle but today I heard a precious reminder, through song. A reminder that God IS faithful, He WILL complete the good work He has started, He is good ALL the time, and His promises ARE true. The "wait" is not to be wasted. It is an invitation to grow deeper in my relationship with Him and to learn the lesson(s) He is trying to teach.

Sometimes you just need a little reminder :) If any of you are in a season of waiting, maybe you can appreciate these words as much as I do!


“Don’t take much for this crazy world
To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul
Says you’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again…


But it’s the time in between
That I fall down to my knees
Waiting on what you’ll bring
And the things that I can’t see
I know my song’s incomplete
Still I sing, in the time in between”

Time In Between
By Francesca Battistelli

My Birthday Card to you...

So as usual, it’s been a while…I’ve been holding off on writing this one, but it’s been spinning in my mind for a while, just begging to come out, so I guess I'll oblige. Last month I celebrated my 29th Birthday. As much as I was apprehensive about getting one year closer to the big 3-0h, deep down I was ready to kiss 28 goodbye and welcome 29 (and all it has in store) with open arms. Oh 28, you started off so quietly, but, oh how you left your mark :)

In my 28th year of life I… took my heart off the shelf, took chances, was “courted” and adored, had the honor of standing beside my best friend as she said I do, learned what it means to love on a new level, learned what it means to forgive on a new level, learned how to trust on a new level, felt God’s love in an overwhelming and tangible way as I never had before.

I healed a bruised heart, started the “… quarrel cake” tradition with my dearest girlfriend and mentor, saw a hint of what it means to "do all things through Christ who strengthens me", was humbled by the incredible power of prayer, experienced God while hiking in Flagstaff, was reminded that life is fragile and that each day is a gift, drove 45 minutes to stand on the beach for 5 because I couldn’t go to Cali and not see the ocean, pulled off the best surprise ever with my BFF, celebrated the 30th wedding anniversary of my parents, shared in the joy of my bestie having twins after a long road of trying, realized that chivalry is not dead, became a very proud auntie for the second time.

I lost hope and (by God's grace) found it again, witnessed first hand (many times) why His timing is perfect, became incredibly aware of how blessed I am to have so many amazing people in my life, sat with a precious friend after finding out she has cancer, asked the hard questions, went to my first “head shaving” party, sat in a big pink shoe at the Cosmopolitan while on a much needed girls weekend, said goodbye as a friend left to defend our country overseas, shared life over numerous cups of chai, was properly educated on what it really means to have faith, watched in amazement as God took pieces of broken dreams and put them back together in a new and beautiful way, began many new friendships that I know will last a lifetime, had the opportunity to become part of something bigger than myself for HIS glory...

...got misty eyed while writing this because...

I.
Am.
So.
AWESTRUCK...

by God’s unfailing grace and mercy. By His blessings, fulfilled promises and peace. Most of all by his extraordinary and unconditional love. This past year I have cried more, laughed harder, and loved deeper than I knew I was capable of. For all of you who walked with me during the ups and downs, and allowed me to walk with you during yours, I hope you know how much you have blessed me, and how much I love you.

Hebrews 11:1 (do yourself a favor and look it up)

Recently I found myself being asked to make some big decisions. You know, those decisions that you can just tell are going to alter your life in a very big way. I found myself just begging God to give me the answer and show me which way to go. And then I was reminded of a sermon I had seen in a staff meeting recently. It was a recording from a leadership conference a few years ago. Erwin McManus was speaking about knowing and trusting God’s will. He said something to the effect of “When we say we are praying for ‘God’s will’ to be revealed to us, usually we already know what God’s will is, and what we are really praying about is the outcome”.

Um, okay God, I get it! The truth was I already knew what the answer was, I was just praying about the logistics, my fears, and my lack of skills. I found myself debating with God. I knew what he was asking of me, but it required stepping out of my comfort zone, and it’s so warm and cozy in there, I don’t wanna leave!! “God, you know I’m usually all for change, but I just got everything the way I like it, are you sure you want to shake things up?” And, “Okay, I’m all for a good adventure, but honestly, how is this going to work? I mean, are you sure you don’t want to ask someone else who is more qualified? Wouldn’t I be more qualified for something else?”

Talking about faith and walking it out are very different things, before me was a definite opportunity to take the leap, so why was I being so stubborn? Truth be told, I wanted my way. I had an idea of how the next few years of my life should look and these new opportunities were not part of that plan. I was having a hard time accepting His plan over mine. Then He challenged me to look at the past five years of my life and to revisit all of the amazing things He had allowed me to experience and accomplish. He showed me how He has given me purpose, changed my heart and blessed me as I have walked hand in hand with Him. Compare this to the previous five years of my life when I walked away from God aka “the dark ages”. During those years I was just floating thru life with no purpose and no goals. I could not have been more unintentional with my days if I tried. I was lost.

He has brought me this far, and He has no intention of leaving me here. On my own my life had no direction. Five years ago I took a leap of faith and gave my life to Christ. He has not left my side, and He will not leave my side. If you find yourself being asked to take a step of faith I challenge you to look back at your life and see all of the amazing blessings you have received from being faithful in following Him. Think back on times you have acted in faith and He has brought you through. Acts of faith are opportunities to increase your faith!

Faith

I have put God in a box. A box in which I have limited his capabilities. I’ve limited the amazing things he can do and lowered my expectations of Him to meet what I think I deserve or should expect for my life. And my expectations are critically unimpressive. I have decided that there is a black and white world out there. A world in which I have to work a certain type of job; a world in which creativity is only for the exceptionally talented and gifted “artists”; a world where I can’t allow myself to dream too big because logistically I can’t reconcile how everything will fit together. I can’t fit the pieces together to see how it will all go together…


It’s this thought process that shows how little trust I have in God. It’s representative of how shamefully small my faith can really be. It will never cease to amaze me how quick I am to forget the incredible things God has allowed me to do in my life. The grace and mercy he has shown me, and not to mention the completely undeserved blessings he’s lavished on me. And yet..I still have a hard time taking that first step in faith, when I have absolutely no idea where it will lead me. I’ve fooled myself into believing that if I don’t take leaps of faith I won’t have to deal with the possible hurt and disappointment that comes with failure. I’ve let pessimism cloud my view. The reality is, letting fear hinder me from taking steps in faith is cowardly, and it is definitely not what God has intended for me. I serve a loving God, and as long as I am seeking him whole heartedly, he will keep me safe and bless me, wherever I am. I am his child, his creation with whom He is well pleased.

I was recently talking to a good friend of mine about the love that God has for us. She may not realize it, but her words resonated with me in a very profound way. She said that God loves us and wants to bless us. It’s almost as though he gives us a piece of paper and a crayon and says “here, write down your dreams. Tell me everything you would like out of life. I want to make it all come true”. God LOVES us, He wants us to pursue him with all that we are, and he WANTS to make our dreams come true. The dreams and desires in our hearts come from him, and they are not there to torture or taunt us. He gave us these dreams and goals so that in His perfect timing we could be blessed by seeing them fulfilled.

When I put him in a box and limit my expectations and goals in life out of fear and doubt, I ROB him of the joy of giving me the gifts he so desperately wants me to receive. While stepping out in faith may not always be roses and sunshine, it’s okay. I would rather walk in faith with my Savior, than stand still and miss out.

I had some free time...

     I love airports. I love flying and traveling from place to place in such a short span of time. I am fascinated by the concept that you can physically be in multiple states, even countries, within the same 24 hour period. Seriously, I have a child-like awe about this. It’s quite silly really, as I am sure most people are not fazed at the idea that they can be with their family in their hometown, then have a long overdue layover lunch with an Uncle, get back on the plane and land in another country. Really, how is this not absolutely fascinating to anyone else
     I also love the fact that when I am a plane I cannot be disturbed by the ins and outs of my day to day life. No one can reach me via email, phone or any social media source. It’s just me, my thoughts, some good tunes, perhaps a good read and my pen and paper. I generally use this time to reflect on my life and all my to-do’s I need to start to-doing once I land. I become mysteriously inspired and the creativity starts flowing. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I were to pen the novel that gives Moby Dick a run for its money while soaring through the clouds in this magical atmosphere.
     For a few hours I get to sit in the air and just reflect and take it all in. It is quite possibly one of my top five happy places; behind Gas Works Park in Seattle, and in front of any good Nashville coffee shop with free Wi-Fi. It’s bliss, pure, uninterrupted bliss. Right now I’m actually closing my eyes and pretending I’m sitting in my beloved aisle seat passing through the clouds over Colorado.
     I do have one confession though; I always enjoy the flight to a bit more than the return. The flight to said destination is always brimming with anticipation, excitement and possibility. I anxiously look forward to the adventures that await me once I land. I plan out all that I want to do and see and experience and I prepare myself for the great things that are in store. And almost as soon as I land I begin to hope that the return flight will stay far away and allow me as much time as possible to experience all the great things my destination city has to offer.
     It never fails that on the night before I am supposed to return home, I am dreading the next day. The following morning the dread is gone, and I am filled with a mixture of sadness for having to end my journey, and excitement to go home and revive some little piece or two of my adventure in my day to day routine. I am again filled with the anticipation and the possibilities of what will happen when I get back home. I imagine how my life will look different, and what great things I will do. I look forward to seeing how my new perspective will change the way that I experience my ordinary day to day tasks. I have grand aspirations to return and be this new person with a fresh take on life.
     Today is my return day. In a few short hours I will board a plane and put pen to paper, thought to possibility, bud to ear. I will reflect on what has happened in my five days here in Nashville and how it will change the path that I am on. I will spend time with my Savior and seek His continued guidance for my next move. In an odd way, I have been looking forward to this part of the trip all along. The time that I would get to really process everything I learned, all that I saw, and all of the relationships that began here in Music City.
     This will be a chance to contemplate my next step. I am sad that my little journey is coming to an end, but I am absolutely THRILLED by what lies ahead. I am going to trust that God will lead me down the right path. I am confident He will guide me and open doors where they need opening and close em’ where I need not enter. Regardless of the outcome I am overwhelmed by the Lord’s blessings while I’ve been here. I am so grateful for this opportunity and cannot wait to see what is in store.
     The week leading up to this holiday and the entire time I have been here I have been challenged to really evaluate my faith. My eyes have been opened to the limits that I allow myself to put on God’s capabilities. I am painfully aware of how I restrict possibilities based on my own narrow and limited scope. I have been reminded that we serve an amazing, powerful, sovereign, awe-inspiring God. He can move mountains with a mustard seed of faith. He brings the dead back to life. He cares for us more than the birds of the sky and the flowers of the earth. His love and grace is beyond anything my mind can comprehend. He loves, He protects, He sustains, He blesses. He has started a good work in me and He will be faithful to complete it.

Its been a minute...

Quick update on my current status. I finished my official internship with HomeBase but am continuing to work on their Street Outreach team, I LOVE it. Graduated in December (thank you for all of your love, prayers and support). Currently looking for the worlds most perfect job (aren't we all). Enjoying my current job. Going to Nashville in March to check out some possible Grad programs. And oh, I have a papercut on each of my thumbs which is really annoying.

I think that's it for now loves, I'll update when I've got more news.

College Prep

Hello Loves,

I hope everyone is doing famously on this lovely day. So...I've got some good stuff to update you on :)

A few weeks ago the other HB intern (Kim) and I were dreaming out loud. We really want to make sure our time at TLP is as beneficial as possible for the kids. We came up with the idea that the staff dubbed as the "College Prep" program. For right now it is specifically for the youth living at TLP. The idea is that we will help the kids walk thru the process of getting in to college. I know from my own experience it can be pretty overwhelming. You have to figure out what you want to do, where you want to go, how to pay for it, where to live, how to avoid the freshman 15, seriously, the list goes on and on and on and on... ; ) Many of the kids haven't even considered college as an option because they simply don't know where to start. Hopefully CP (yep, already has its own acronym and everything, that’s how official it is) will help the kids get pointed in the right direction. Everyone is really excited about the program. It’s an area the staff wish they could put more in to, but don't have the time to give it the proper attention. The idea is that Kim and I will be the "college girls" and every Tuesday (me) and Thursday (Kim) we will be available to help the kids with College "stuff".

So, on Tuesday night I got to do my most favorite thing ever, public speaking (yes that was sarcasm). I introduced the idea at TLP. Some of the kids loved the idea, and others reminded me that I had gone 2 minutes over my allotted 5 minute presentation time. Regardless, I had some takers that were really excited about it. All of them really want to go to school they just have some roadblocks to work through, and didn't know where to start. Some of the roadblocks were in regard to financial aid and others are concerned their "records" could make them ineligible. All of these issues are things we can try and work through, for the most part, so I can’t wait to see what happens.

All in all the response was way better than we could have hoped, and it confirmed the need for a program like this. We're all really excited to see what comes from it :)